he found his brain in an apartment in Chinatown

Today is not a good day,
I'm extremely aggitated over everything and I can't seem to get a grasp on anything.
It's as if my reality was another persons dream and they're slowly waking up from there nightmare...

I find myself telling everyone in the world that I'm fine and that I'm good.
But I wish there was one person in this world to see right through the barrier I put up and tell me that it's okay to be less than fine and less than good.
*Sigh*
I'm lost.

At least I have some good music to listen to,
I'm currently in love with Kay Kay and His Weathered Underground.
:]

all the make up in the world couldn't hide...

Maybe I shouldn't be surprised,
every single person in my life has in some way or another let me down,
why should you be any different right?
But something inside of me told me, maybe, just maybe...
You'd be different, and you wouldn't hurt me as much as you did,
but how terribly wrong that something inside of me was...

I don't think anyone could use words to describe this horrible feeling,
this feeling of lost, betrayal, and nothingness...
Now...
Every day, I plaster on this smile and I wonder who I am as I look in the mirror.
I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think this time around, I really lost it.
*sigh*

All I want for Christmas this year is to feel whole again and maybe to find myself a couple of genuine friends I can count on...

I set sail in dreams of the Safe place.

I'm really sick of waiting around for things to happen,
I've been doing it for the past two years...
And I realized today that I've been scared of adventuring out into the world alone.
I've always had a safety blanket of friends,
who would be up for my weird thought-up projects...
We always ended up failing and leaving them in a dark forgotten corner.
I dug them up from it's grave last night,
and decided that I'm going to finish those projects,
make something of it.

(List)
-Screenprint t-shirts/Clothing company.
-Make sweet, sweet music.
-Roadtrip.
-Photoshoot of the Sour Test.
-Make dreams happen.

The Underoath show/signing Saturday was great,
it was really fun and intense.
Someone kicked my gauges off and that teared my right ear,
but it's all gravy now other than a couple of bruises and the feeling of soreness still.
:]

The Twilight premier is on Friday midnight I believe...
Which falls on the same day as my brother's birthday.
I've been overbooking myself for that day for two weeks now.
I get sidetrack and end up telling my friends and family that I'll be there for everything,
and now I have to call them and tell them I have to cancel on them.
I really don't like doing that...
But priorities first,
Brother's 12th birthday
&&
Twilight Movie @ Victoria Garden's (That I've promised a lot of people since last month I'd go to)
:\

So that's it for now,
gotta go get ready for class in an hour.

i'm through with words that could tear us apart.

It's funny how things can change in a blink of an eye,
how someone you respected and loved so much could hurt you in such a way that words can't even explain.
Maybe, it's finally time to let go...
It's time to stop hopping we'd be anything other than the past.

I couldn't of been more torn the other day,
it was like taking the first breath of winter air,
cold, crisp, and not to mention a bit surprising.
It hurts at first cause of the harshness but once you get use to it(but maybe that's just me),
it's really not that bad...
It took me a day and alcohol to get use to it.
To finally get that it's not that bad, and that I should really just be glad that he found someone else,
even if it's his cousin...
(Yeah, I'm not that over it.)

I'm bitter,
I admit...
I was starting to get the butterflies back into the pit of my stomach,
and the feeling back into my cold toes when he was around.
But then...
she had to come into the picture,
as if it's not complicated enough.
UGH...

Anyways, on a lighter note.
I love this: .
And this band/guy:
You should really go check out his music at:
Who Is Sotrious?
:]

That's it for tonight,
peace and love.

in slow motion we wash to sea...

I got into a car accident on the 5th,
I'm fine and everything seems to be okay for now.
Could barely call it an accident,
more like a tiny little scratch.

Everyone kind of freaked out until they saw how tiny it was.
Pat told me a little wax job and that shit would be long gone.
Good on a count of it I don't really feel like paying 500 bucks on something so tiny.

Spence even rushed home,
he thought I was hurt supposedly...
It was nice to see how worried he was,
to see that he still cares.
Not that I would ever want him to worry about me intentionally.

I realized that I'm still in love with a boy who now lives two thousand miles away from me,
the boy who left to avoid me,
the boy who thinks I don't love him anymore,
and the boy who still has my heart.
This is more complicating then it seems for me...

And the Search Goes On...

Last night I realized that I'm not ready to move on...
Thanks to my very nice date Craig,
in this case...
It really was me and not him.
The whole time there, I felt awkward and the date just seemed to last for a very long time,
even though I was only there for an hour, two tops.

I spoke to Spencer before the date,
he told me a couple of weeks back that, if I ever did go on a date with someone he knew, he'd like to know so he'd look out for me.
So I told him.
I asked him if he was alright with it.
And he lied and told me 'yes'.
I found out from his brother today that he wasn't...
But he has nothing to worry about, really.
I haven't moved on, just like he hasn't either...

Sara and I are suppose to be in Seattle by December 14th but we're still looking for a Hybrid we can rent.
Apparently, California car rental places don't rent out to 18 year olds.
Funny, cause they'd sell a car to us,
but they won't rent one to us.
That's bogus.
So if anyone knows of a place that's affordable, that rents to 18 year olds, and rent out Hybrid cars...
I'd highly appreciate it, if you told me.
:]

I think I'm going to attempt to go to bed now,
a bit pooped out.
It's been a long dayyy.
Goodnight.

It's all in my head, if you want, you can look inside

I have a midterm today,
and I should be studying still...
But I really can't concentrate.

The party on Saturday blowed,
scared the living crap out of me when the cops piled through the street and stopped us.
Thank goodness I'm never the one to drink and drive.
And if you're ever drunk,
please..
DON'T DRIVE!
Call a friend instead.

So, lately I've been thinking seriously about getting an Underoath tattoo...
Maybe with just the slashed O incorporating the word love or hope,
something small and simple.
I thought long and hard and came up with a reason for my spontanous thought;
first off, Underoath helped me through a lot with there music and helped me bond with a lot of special people, they're one of those bands that can make me smile whenever I hear there songs, one of the best bands I've seen live, and I know that ten or twenty years down the line from now I won't regret a thing about it...
Therefore, Sara and I were talking yesterday and decided that we're probably going to get one in Seattle.
:]

That is it for my update,
I need to go study and get ready for class.
peaceee.

For a moment I was warm and the world made sense

Today are one of those days, where I feel extremely ugly...
Without even trying.
Not that I try to look ugly,
I just don't try to look that presentable.

I hate these horrible waves of happiness
because once I come down from it,
I become miserable.
Just like today.
Yet,
the misery helps me write.
I guess...
You're damned if you do,
and you're damned if you don't.

Time for another change,
getting a dye job this thursday or friday I think...
Not sure yet though...
We'll see.

A couple of things worth mentioning.

(In no particular order am I going to attempt to organize my thoughts, just so you know. It's going to be a bumpy ride.)

I was driving the other day past the beach,
when an old memory suddenly flashed by me.
Laguna Beach with friends I'm no longer close to,
we can barely even call each other friends.
It was a nice day,
I even have the pictures still.


He makes me smile whenever I listen to his music,
and he phrases the most randomest/sweetest things.
Check out his band Owl City I bet you'll fall in love.
He sets me such a good mood!



I finally saved up enough money to get these shoes,
not only have the wait been long over due,
but I'm in desperate need of new shoes.
I can't keep wearing my old vans, they're falling apart.
And not only do they look good, it's for a good cause too.
"For every pair purchased, TOMS will donate a pair to a child in need"
I like that.


Rainbow Sandals!
The comfy-est sandals I've ever worn.
I really want a pair.
But they're a whopping 45 bucks!
EKK!


And last but certainly not least!
Isn't he adorable!?
In a couple of years I'll have one just like him.
:]

Stay like this weather swirls.

The weather's been weird lately,
really hot and then bone chilling cold.
Got me thinking,
how in the world am I going to survive the cold weather in Seattle when I only have zip-up hoodies.
I'm in desperate need of winter clothing and some nice looking boots won't hurt.

I broke my diet within two days,
cause I ran out of fruits and I ate a piece of bread.
:\
So I'm going to plan B, diet pills.

Sara and I were talking yesterday and making rough layout plans for our winter Seattle trip.
We've decided on a couple of things;
-Renting a Prius and just making it an eighteen hour roadtrip there.
-There's this pretty reasonable hotel right outside of Seattle that we're planning to book.
-Lastly, we need to save, save, save.

I'm really excited,
I just hope everything goes accordingly.

'Cause I stole your soul

Don't you ever get lonely?
'Cause it's no better for me
I still cannot breathe

I told myself that I was going to go on a diet today...
And as of right now, I'm still doing a pretty good job.
I woke up about an hour ago and I'm keeping myself busy,
so I haven't eaten yet.
And since a good chunk of my day is already gone,
I think I'll have no problem.
Wish me luck.

Spencer left yesterday.
On Friday was his last going away party for all of us to him,
and I missed it intentionally,
I made other plans with an old friend.
I knew if I went I was going to cry, and I wanted to be stronger than that.
But honestly, I rather of went and cried and spent my time there with him before he left than have the what if's bombarding my mind.
Besides, I had a horrible time spending it with an old friend,
he changed, and the worst part is...
I know that's going to be a lasting impression of him.

But I did spend the last couple of hours with Spence,
I called him when I got home,
and we met up.
We talked, we laughed, we cried as we watched the Los Angeles night view.
I didn't take him to the airport,
I didn't want to say goodbye.
Cause I was scared that it was going to be the last thing I'd ever say to him,
and that just wasn't going to cut it.

After he left,
I felt empty...
Cause pretty soon Kristen and Johnny is going to leave me too,
Florida is there next destination.
Adam's still not back,
Patrick and I drifted apart,
Brad is still a phone call away,
and Spence...He left yesterday.

I was thinking about Seattle this whole weekend,
I have it well mapped out in my mind.
And as soon as I save enough money I'm going to make the reservations for the car rental, hotels, and other important stuff like that so I get a guarantee by mid December.
That is if I end up going alone.
If I end up loving Seattle I might just move there there all together in a year or two.
There's nothing in California that's worth staying for anymore.

change.

After the Saturday with Spencer,
I found myself questioning whether or not I should really be here.
It should be an easy answer, a simple no to him and just move on in my life,
I know it should end up that way...
Yet, I can't help but wonder what if,
I don't want to be the person to ask in the end, 'what if I left with him after all'.

But I know I just can't leave, throw everything I planned down the drain and leave without thinking,
if you asked me a year ago...
I'd do it with no questions, I'd go in a heartbeat.
But I'm not the person I was a year ago anymore.

I found myself crying a lot these past few days,
thinking of all the wrong moves I've made.
And hoping...
That this decision I'm going to make won't fall into that catagory.
Honestly, I really don't know.
I'm at a lost and I need guidance,
yet I don't want to ask for it,
it's a battle within myself and I know I need to fight through it myself.

Tomorrow there's going to be a Brighten show,
I'm pretty excited for it,
I haven't been to a show in a while.
:[
I know it'll keep my mind off of things listening to Justin's raspy voice.

If things take it's course,
I'm pretty sure by December I'll be in Seattle...
Well that's what I'm hoping at least.
And even if I have to go alone,
I'm going.
I'm determined,
and I'm not going to let another person let me down.

And I keep running like a coward for the door,

Thursday was all about reunions,
well sort of.
I went to Riverside to see a couple of friends,
to my surprise it wasn't awkward at all...
It felt as if I let something inside of me go,
something greater than I could put my finger on.
It was nice.

Friday I took my brother to the LA county fair.
It wasn't as great as my friends said it would be,
the food and rides was over priced, the games were generic, and every damn person there seemed to be with there significant other.

Yesterday was extremely bitter sweet.
Spencer decided it was time he explained things and he wanted to spend some time with me before he left, so he picked me up and we went to Laguna.
The car ride there was...
awkward,
I looked out the window half of the time, humming to the songs he put on every so often.
He drove without a word, except for the occasional sing along line in the songs.

When we got to Laguna, we walked along side the beach for a while speaking very little, until we found a place that seemed pretty isolated and sat down.
I finally confronted him about why he wanted to leave and if it was really about me, knowing him he gave me the straight forward truth, which was refreshing cause I was finally out of the dark.
I mean, of course I didn't want to know that the reason he was leaving was because of me,
but at least I know where I stand.
He tried to explain but did a pretty horrible job with it,
let me tell you, he's not really good with words when it comes to defending himself.
I decided to change the subject,
cause it was going no where,
so I asked how he was handling the grieving of his grandmother.
I never did ask him when he came back.
I could tell it took a lot out of him to explain it to me and tell me how he truly felt, it sent shivers down my spine a couple of times.
When he finally broke down, I couldn't help but hold him awkwardly.
I hate seeing men cry,
it just doesn't seem right to me,
but yet, when the tears rolled down his face...
I felt his pain and his grievance for his grandmother and the love he had for her.
I just couldn't help but comfort him in anyway I knew was possible to make him feel better.

After the breakdown, we walked around a little more.
I felt closer to him than I did when he first came back,
I took his hand into mine and laced our fingers together knowing that it was probably the worst mistake I could make,
but at that moment it felt right and that's all that mattered.
We went to some restaurant by the beach and by that time I was already feeling sick,
I couldn't walk straight and everything seemed to be spinning.
We ate, it didn't make me feel any better,
and what made it sort of worst was when he started to talk about Mississippi.
When he started explaining how he needed to leave to get away from me, so he could have a clean cut off from me.
It started frustrating me, because if we were accepting our relationship as friends why in the world did he need a clean cut off from me?
It made me feel unwanted and unloved...
What frustrated me and confused me more was when he pulled out a pair of airline tickets out of his pocket and sat it on the table.
There was a choice.
A choice where I either swallow the clean cut off and accept the fact that he was leaving because of me...
Or
leave with him and start over as he likes to say it.

It's so like him to want me to drop everything in my life for him and run off into his Utopia.
But yet, it's so like me to want to run off with him.
A part of me screamed for me to say, "Yes!" and the other part told me to get up and leave, that we're not going there again.
I told him I'd sleep on it, and we left with me feeling worst.

I came to the conclusion,
that no matter where we are in our lives we'll still love each other, the same that we do now.
It doesn't matter the distance of where we're at...
And if I was meant to leave now...
I will.
We'll see.

if you are a merman, then i am the sea.

Most of my closest friends have left for college out of town,
I'm a bit sad,
but I know I'll see them soon,
and hopefully spend some quality time with them again.

This weekend was hectic,
I ended up taking my sisters to Temecula with me cause my mom thought it'd be a good idea.
So I had to leave them for a little bit before I went to decorate Spence's place,
what I didn't know was that he was already back,
and this whole thing was actually a set up.
Go figure.
I tried my best to not make things awkward, but despite my attempt...
It didn't happen that way.
I left earlier than I should have with just a bye,
no kiss, hug, or anything.
it's like a bandage, I rather rip it off as fast as I could than go through the pain slowly
I don't think I'll be seeing him anytime soon.

What I found strange was the fact that I got sick again,
every single time I see him...
I'll always end up getting sick.
Ugh...
I can barely swallow without horrible pain and I feel like my whole mouth is extremely sore.
The worst part about it, is the fact that it's a viral infection,
so I can't do anything about it but wait it out with no meds, except for the typical Tylenol.

So...
I'm literally HOOKED onto the new Underoath album.
Lost In The Sounds Of Seperation,
it is absolutely amazing in my opinion.
Especially the song, Too Bright To See Too Loud To Hear.
I really suggest the people who haven't gotten the album yet, to go get it!

Lastly...
A very close friend and I decided over the weekend that we're going to become Jonas Brother's groupies.
With stick on face tattoos, headbans, and shirts.
It's going to be SICK!
and our new project
To Write Cheating On His Legs.
An organization to stop the ridiculous cheaters in life and relationships.
:]
hahaha.

CREEP!

First order of busy,
how in the world do you get rid of a clingy guy?
He's starting to creep me out (hence the title)
Without hurting his feelings or talking to him directly?
Come up with something clever and usable and I'll give you a cookie.
:]

So, I have this thing for Kombucha.
I find it pretty refreshing,
puts a kick in my day.
I recommend it to everyone.

I was trying to buy stuff online from Urbanoufitters,
but it's being stupid.
And I'm about 50 cents off,
so I have to wait until tomorrow.
Which is a huge bummer.
*SIGH*

Well, I'm going to go write,
today was not a good day.
:[

could I bring you back to us?

I got my wisdom tooth taken out Friday,
and if you're considering to get it done,
it's really not that bad at all.
It's uncomfortable, but the pain isn't that bad,
I didn't even feel pain during the whole procedure,
nor did I swell up like a chipmunk like everyone said I would.
The cool part about it,
is the fact that I got to keep my tooth,
and I'm planning to make a necklace out of it.
:]

This week seems to be going really slow,
a lot of my friends are going to move soon,
and it barely hit me yesterday when I was hanging out with some of them.
I mean the drive there isn't that bad,
it's only an hour,
but still the comfort knowing that they'll be only 10 minutes away is always nice.
I already know what to get Sara,
hah, but I have to hide it cause we're washing our cars together.

I was talking to a very good friend of mine,
one that I know, no matter what will forgive me for the stupid things that I've said and done before,
And I'd do exactly the same for him.
We're both mending our broken hearts,
it was better that we seperated in the first place,
but I could still feel that spark in our relationship.
I told myself that, that boat has sailed and we're really better off as friends like we are right now,
with no strings attatched.
Despite what everyone else says about never being able to be friends after being in a relationship,
we're going to prevail, I know it.
I wrote my first class essay on him,
the topic was;
someone who is important to you.
I thought about all the people in my life that I could write about,
but honestly, he was the one I wanted to write about,
he changed me.

I feel the relationship between my best friend and I drifting apart,
maybe it's the distances that's finally taking its toll on us.
Or we're just growing older, without each other,
but I know that our guideance will always be there when we need it,
and that's all that matters.
Not the title of the person,
and I'm okay with that,
I'm truly fine with the fact that we're moving on to better things.
As long as I know that we're well and happy that's all that matters to me.

You lose some close friends and then you gain some back.
I know that I'll never lose him,
that's the perks about our relationship.

And now, all I want is to make the friendships that I had, better in my life.
To tell them,
that no matter what,
if you need me I'll be there.
(Yes, I am feeling kind of rainbows and butterflies today!)

This is going to be a long one.

Let's start with today and I'll work my way back tracking,
I feel pretty damn lucky today.
I almost got pulled over twice but it was as if I dodged a bullet,
one of the cops ignored my not so great driving habit,
and the other one decided to stop some other car that was speeding right next to me.
I was seriously scared shitless,
I didn't want to deal with another ticket.
I'm planning to drive much more safely now.

At first, I really didn't like the whole college thing.
I just wanted to jump head first into the "real world" like I do with everything else,
but surprisingly I'm warming up to college.
I really like the fact that everyday, I'm able to learn something new and even though it's not easy.
The challenges makes me want to strive for more.

Currently, I'm speaking to this one boy who makes me smile a lot,
Craigery.
He's really sweet and he seems like the type of guy who has a level head about things, which I really like.
Other than the fact that he can drive pretty damn well,
and he's a gentleman.
He pulls off driving a Prius pretty well too!
:D

But I already know it's not going to work out,
he lives in Utah and aside from that.
We have major differences that should've kept us from even being friends,
but I guess fate had different things planned for us.
For now, I'm just going to focus on school and the things that make me happy.

My thoughts are all over the place,
I honestly had more things to say before I started.
But now I have homework to get to,
and things to do.
So I'll just leave you with this to think about:

"a little birdie once told me that everything will be fine.
so i took his advice.
and ran with it, ran with it.

all through-out winter i hoped for the snow to fall...
in southern california.
but then i realized it wasn't going to happening now..."

City in a snow globe.

I realized today that a guy who's a good driver is a huge PLUS in my book,
driving fast does not mean you're a good driver.
But patience, speed, and strategy defines a good driver,
and let me tell you Craig is an AMAZING driver.

I heard a Flobots song today on my ipod,
Anne Braden.
I don't know if you've heard it before but I do suggest you go on itunes and buy yourself a copy of that song.
It sent chills down my spine, it was absolutely astonishing.

Ooh! I bought a new V-neck today at Urban Outfitters,
crisp new white super v-neck :]
I was hunting for those Rainbow Sandals today at Pacsun cause I have a Pacloot thing,
but I had no luck with it,
they were completely sold out.

But then I'm still debating whether or not I should buy a pair of Rainbows or some new Vans.
Hmm...

Tomorrow the new Underoath album is out!
I can't wait,
I'm also thinking of picking up the Emarosa- Relativity album tomorrow while I'm at it.
:\

Lots to do tomorrow!
But today had all the reasons to smile for,
I just hope tomorrow was just as swell as today.

I love being single.

First order of business,
did you know photobucket has a Twilight category?!
When the hell did that happen?
Twilight is EVERYWHERE now,
like baby-teeny boopers are reading it too!
I'm like 'wh-what!?
I love the Twilight sega but I have to admit it's not fun when it's getting soooo overly rated.

Okay, now back to business.
You're probably wondering why I used 'I love being single',
other than the fact that I'm stating the obvious...
But it's also because my wonderful friends believe that to reach a level of happiness you are required to have a significant other in your life,
I really beg to differ.
I'm perfectly fine with being single with no one to answer to,
I told myself that I'm going to stay single for a year and I'm going to accomplish that one small task I have on my list.
Despite what I say, they just won't believe me,
they're trying to drive me insane going on Craiglist to search for boys for me.
I honestly don't think I'm that desperate, at least I don't feel desperate,
and I refuse to buy into there non-sense.
:[

What else...
I think I'm going to take some guitar and vocal lessons,
I want to learn how to play again (not that I ever played that well to begin with)
and vocal lessons never hurt.
I'd be fun, maybe now I can really stick with a band and play shows!
Thinking about it makes me all giddy inside,
cause it's something I've been wanting to do since the 7th grade.
I should really stop putting my dreams and ambitions off.

Well, I'm off to see what idiotic things my friends are up to.
Wish me luck.

rock solid.

Yesterday was soooo disappointing!
I woke up early for my morning class to find out that it was canceled,
so then defeated I went home after I stayed with Annon until her class started at 9:30.
I went home, took a nap.
Woke up and rushed back so I could get the damn book, (which was $150 dollars by the way)
Then when I got there, the class was also canceled!
GRRR!
>:[

Well, today was better.
I went to Panera Bread in the morning with an old friend,
went and picked my brother and sisters up at school.
Then went to Payless and found no boot!
BOO.

Tomorrow is the Sleep for Sleepers show,
and hang out day with Sara and David.
That's the only thing I'm looking forward to...
Cause, I thought I would want something to happen,
like a renewal of a broken friendship.
But turns out, I'm unsure now...
I want it so they know that I'll always be there for them no matter what,
even though we're not as close as we were before.
But then, they don't seem to be putting in the effort to want the same as I do...
And that honestly scares me.

I guess life is all about risks,
and taking the first step.
And I'm going to take that plung into the ocean.

SHHH! i'm a time traveler.

I have so much things to do!
I had to make mental notes through out the day just so I didn't forget.
I'm sure by now I have half of what I had in my brain all erased.
Which means that it really defeats the whole purpose.

Tomorrow I have to wake up at 6:50AM once again,
just so I can make it to my 8:00AM class.
I HATE COMMUTING.

This whole week I've been so caught up with school I haven't even had time to hang out with my friends,
and when I finally had some time today, I had to call it an early night...

Schedule (for the remainder week)
Tomorrow
-Class
-Laundry
-Homework
Friday
-Morning hang out with Elliot @ Panera Bread
-From 2PM BUSY.
Saturday
-Hang out with Sara && David
-Supporting Sleep For Sleepers @ there show. (7:00PM)
Sunday
-ALL DAY WITH SETH, KRISTEN, JOHNNY! :]]]
Monday
-Relax.

And somewhere along the way I'm going to need to go buy my materials.
Well, until tomorrow.
GOODNIGHT!

Day Two.

EKKK!!!!
Tonight at 9 new season!
I'm pretty damn excited,
and yes...
I have been sucked into 'Greek' world.
I would've written this later but I would've missed Greek and that would've been a big no, no.

Well, today was day two of college,
I had an 8 o'clock morning class...
Critical Thinking,
and if it wasn't so damn early in the morning I really wouldn't mind the class.
I actually like it.
In about fourty five minutes I have to go back back for a math class,
I'm really not looking forward for it...

Seth dropped by and brought me some fruit salad this morning,
he honestly thought that would make me happy.
But hey, at least he tried...
I took a bite just to make him feel like his efforts didn't go to waste before I fell asleep.
I only got an extra thirty minutes,
which isn't bad I guess.

Well I should go, they're doing re-runs of Greek on ABC Family,
it was a great way to wake-up from a nap.
:]

yes, i indeed felt like a n00b.

I don't usually use gamer talk, hell...I never use gamer talk.
but something reminded me of Christian today,
and so I felt the need to use it.

I started my first day of college today,
and honestly it wasn't that bad.
I think my nerves took over more than anything,
I barely slept last night...
I hope tonight's going to be better on a count of I'm taking my sleeping pills,
or not there would be no possible way of me waking up in the morning for my 8 o'clock class.
Critical Thinking,
yippee. :[

This thing is pretty nifty, I really like it.
And hopefully I'll keep up with it,
not like my xanga that I've left cold for about two years now...
I read back on entries back then,
it repulsed me...
I was such an angry child.

Anyways, I'm going to work on my story that Sara's been passing around to people.
>:[
I'm not ready for criticism, not until I think it's good enough to be criticized,
but I've been getting good enough feedback I guess...

I realized today I'm finding a back way out of college.
And it's only the first day!
I'm cooking up all these ideas in my head that I could do without going to college and still be happy and make a very good living.
Bill Gates did it...
Why can't I?
Hah!
But then, I'm not a genius...
So I guess that's why.

This blog was all over the place,
I promise next time I'd stick to one or two topics instead of 45.
Until then, have a good day.
Relax a little and smile.