politics.

anyone with half a brain that lives in California knows that we're in deep,
this hole that we've dug ourselves in isn't going to magically disappear.
we're in trouble for lack of better words.

i don't claim to know a lot about politics,
but i do believe i know a fair amount.
the 2010 election for a new governor is coming to a near,
and somehow this reminds me of the 2004 presidential election
bush vs. kerry.
those two candidates in my opinion were horrible,
and just like the 2010 election for California,
the big dogs
Meg Whitman, Steve Poizner, and Jerry Brown are horrible candidates (still in my opinion).
I've seen the campaigns that Meg Whitman and Steve Poizner's been spewing out,
slamming each other and making there promises.
my question is WHY?
not why they're slamming each other,
but WHY are they throwing millions of dollars down the drain when our state is in such a wreck?
if you have so much money to waste why don't you just hand the money over to the state?
i'm sure they can use a few million dollars.

what really fires me up is the whole immigration deal,
to me, it's like they're blaming the illegal immigration for all the problems that started with greedy politicians and other bad choices made.
it's like a witch hunt.
does this sound a little familiar?
well it does to me,
and if it doesn't think about the end of 1930-40's.

shouldn't we find a happy medium for this situation?
i'm not saying it's not contributing to the problems (illegal immigration),
but should we really cast EVERY illegal immigrant out,
even the ones working there bones off to make our lives better,
the ones who were brought to America when they were babies and all they know is there home in the U.S.
do we just ship them off back to there own country, defenseless?
Is that really fair?

i challenge you to look into this election for our future if nothing else,
don't vote for a side, vote for a cause.
it's sad how our society focuses on parties,
and we've put ourselves against each other.
don't think democrats or republicans,
think what's right from wrong for you.
and lastly,
it's not all black and white,
there's grey areas you have to take into consideration,
remember that.

so much.

i think i was born to be an introvert,
while some people find comfort in other people's company,
i find comfort when i could be alone wrapped in my own thoughts and privacy.
i like being alone more than spending time with anyone in the world
and i like taking breaks from people,
maybe to make me realize how much i miss them (though it's rarely the case).
these past few days,
thanks to being sick, i've been able to have an excuse to be an introvert,
other than school i rarely take time out of the day to talk to anyone...

today in my public speaking class there was this one dude who talked about death,
perfectly normal.
but when he started talking about a death of his friend it hit me like a ton of bricks.
i felt my breath get caught in my throat,
my stomach started to lurch,
and i wanted so badly to walk out of the room.
he talked about how he had to go to his friends funeral,
his voice shook as he explained how that person in the casket was no longer a person he once knew.
i can't say i'm brave enough to even recollect my thoughts on that day when i got the news,
i never did go to his funeral,
and that kills me.

to some,
it's just an unfortunate story that people hear others say.
for me,
it's forever apart of my life.
this hollow emptiness knowing that he'll never be here anymore...

is this it?
is this what life is muster up to be?
people live and die.
some achieve things while others don't even get a chance to make a difference.
is this it?

peer pressure.

maybe it's just that time of the month,
or maybe it's that i'm starting to show my true colors again.
i ask myself this a lot,
did i compromise who i really am to turn into the person that i am today.
i use to not care what people say, i use to say what i said because i meant it, i had no fear in the world, and peer pressure? i would've fucked it in the face so hard that it wouldn't exist in my life.

but now...i care what people say, i feel like i have to sugar coat things in order to be please everyone to be nice, and fears? i have more than enough nowadays.
i'm hating the person i've become,
i don't want to live life so restricted.
but yet, how do i have that happy medium where i don't hurt people, constantly?
i really don't know...
i just know that there's a need to change.

well, back to the main point.
i think everyone in there lifetime has gone through some type of peer pressure,
something that you don't want to do,
yet your peers, friends, co-workers, whomever might pressure you into doing.

for me,
this wasn't, isn't a problem.
i don't care if you call me a "pussy",
it doesn't hurt me.
it doesn't make me want to prove myself to you,
simply because i know who i am, i don't care if you believe me or not.
my mom taught me well,
"don't buy into that bullshit, those friends are a dime a dozen. your real friends won't make you feel bad if you don't do something, they won't force you to do something you don't want, and if they do... fuck em'."
okay, she didn't say it in those exact words but along those lines.
thanks to my madre's wisdom, i've stayed away from drugs for this long.
i could've easily said,
"sure, pass my that blunt" or "yeah, i'll take that pill."
but i didn't cause my mom taught me better.
so, call me all the names you want,
cause i don't give a shit.
if you want to talk shit,
say it in my face and we can deal with it.

i don't want to be apart of something i don't want to do,
and if you've ever been in that position
you shouldn't do it either.
something that might be "fun" but in actuality hurts you?
i don't find that fun.

so, if i've ever peer pressured you into doing something you don't want to do.
i apologize.
i try hard everyday not to be the person i don't like,
and when i slip i try ten times harder the next day to make sure i don't become that person again.
all i ask is that
you treat me with the same respect.