so much.

i think i was born to be an introvert,
while some people find comfort in other people's company,
i find comfort when i could be alone wrapped in my own thoughts and privacy.
i like being alone more than spending time with anyone in the world
and i like taking breaks from people,
maybe to make me realize how much i miss them (though it's rarely the case).
these past few days,
thanks to being sick, i've been able to have an excuse to be an introvert,
other than school i rarely take time out of the day to talk to anyone...

today in my public speaking class there was this one dude who talked about death,
perfectly normal.
but when he started talking about a death of his friend it hit me like a ton of bricks.
i felt my breath get caught in my throat,
my stomach started to lurch,
and i wanted so badly to walk out of the room.
he talked about how he had to go to his friends funeral,
his voice shook as he explained how that person in the casket was no longer a person he once knew.
i can't say i'm brave enough to even recollect my thoughts on that day when i got the news,
i never did go to his funeral,
and that kills me.

to some,
it's just an unfortunate story that people hear others say.
for me,
it's forever apart of my life.
this hollow emptiness knowing that he'll never be here anymore...

is this it?
is this what life is muster up to be?
people live and die.
some achieve things while others don't even get a chance to make a difference.
is this it?