And I'll keep on running this never ending race

Slowly, just like the ballons in the picture,
i feel myself reaching up again.
ever so slowly...
but it's better than nothing.

as stressed as i am,
with just everything happening around me...
i somehow found a light,
this light isn't bright,
but it's good enough to help me through the times.
i know if given the same situation two years or even a year ago
i wouldn't of handled it as well as i am now.
i would've hid in the deepest, darkest, and the most hollow depth of myself
and just let the demons inside, eat me whole.
so i'm grateful,
and i'm just taking it a minute at a time.
through this journey i'll somehow find hope and something to fill that gapping hole...
somehow, i'll find it.

i'm obsessed and stressed with this mess

'I can't think of things
To write down, to type down
And these fingertips are moving faster than these lips
So you can only imagine how jealous my mouth is'

That's exactly how I feel,
maybe not the part where my mouth is jealous but the rest of it seem to be right on the money.
Even if i could write,
it doesn't seem to satisfy me.
Instead, I'm disappointed in myself cause I know I could dish some better things out.

When I woke up this morning I felt awfully vulnerable,
like anyone, (even people who don't matter) could get to me from miles away...
Then, I was walking to class this morning and I caught myself not knowing how to breath.
As if something so natural has turned into some kind of horribly long math equation that took a large amount of time to get.

I feel so out of beat,
as if I'm slipping from sanity...


HELP.

let's take a train and leave...

Yesterday was quite eventful,
getting lost in the big city with Kim
and listening to Kay Kay and His Weathered Underground as we roamed the city.
Althought it was a buzz kill and it did make us extremely tired,
I still had an amazing time.
The Hollywood tour was great on the open bus,
we got to kill two hours taking pictures of celebrity houses like tourists do and waving at random strangers.

After that, we went and watched Bride Wars.
It was a good movie and I recommend all the ladies to go watch it with there friends,
if you're looking for a good laugh and a bit of emotional overspill.
hah.

It's funny how when Kim and I go on our adventures we meet the most...
I guess you can say eccentric people in this world.
Don't get me wrong,
I'm glad we get to meet people like that cause it makes our trips more memorable and exciting.
A bit strange but still a great time.

Tonight is the Growing Feathers show that I stumbled across a few days ago,
it's perfect because for the Rock and Roll Music History course that I'm taking right now,
he wants us to write two papers on two different bands or singer/songwriter.
Therefore, we have to go to there shows take notes on how they dress, music, ect, ect...
This should be interesting on a count of it's my first time taking notes on bands.
:\
hah.

Until the next time,
I'll update you in this chaotic world we live in, from my point of view.

let me take you somewhere I can't explain.

I didn't think I was going to start off the New Year like this,
I mean, I knew it was going to be uneventful...

I needed it to be just another day,
because I knew if I gave myself the chance to sugar coat it and go out and party...
I'd never change and end up stuck in a repetition of failure.

So I preoccupied myself mostly with family,
and kept myself a great distance from friends.
(which is starting to be something I do quite often for some strange reason)

But knowing my family,
nothing is ever pleasant,
especially during a holiday,
somehow my mom always has a nag to go ballistic and everyone ends up unhappy.
It's quite annoying,
And people wonder why I'm not a holiday kind of a person.

Kristen gave me quite a scare when Johnny called telling me she got into a car accident,
I went into a small mental break down and I'm still trying to recover from it.
The fact of the matter is,
I really can't take another person so near and dear to me to leave me again,
I don't know if I'm strong enough to take it...
Luckily, she's fine just some scratches and bruises,
nothing major.

At times like these,
I really wished that my best friend or someone I could rely on was there to lend me a shoulder to rest my head on.
despite all the shit that he's put me through,
and how I believe that people will never change completely.
(because from experience, I know I still get extremely pessismistic at times...)

No matter how pure you are,
there is still evil in you,
it's just human nature,
and I forgive you.
I just want you to know that.
I forgive you.