it's about that time again...

I want to fall head over fucking heels in love,
I really want to be able to do that and have that person feel the same way.
I want us to be strong enough to be vulnerable together,
to take the world on one day at a time with each other.
I want him to embrace all my flaws and still love me with all his heart,
and know that when I say 'I'm okay,' I'm really not.
I want him to never lie to me,
even if it's for my own good.
I want him to be faithful to me,
and never hurt me.
I want him to make me laugh,
on the days that I'm too weak to.
I want to know that I'm worth dying for,
but I don't want him to die for me though,
because I wouldn't want to live one day without him.
Is this too fairytale?

the weight.

I feel myself crumbling under the pressure.
maybe it's just a bad day,
maybe it's because my mensural cycle is about to hit,
or maybe it's because it's Friday the 13th,
but whatever it is, today's a God awful day for me.
Usually I do this so well,
I'm able to hide any sign of this pressure on my shoulders,
I'm able to not burst out with emotion and keep on trudging through the turbulence.

I know I shouldn't be like this,
I know I should be stronger,
but the truth is,
no matter how great I feel,
this weakness,
this pressure...
never goes away.

I'm glad I can help people when they need it,
I'm glad that sometimes people need me to help them,
but sometimes I wish I had someone to help me.
HELP.

sorry mom for snapping at you, under the pressure.
i just wanted to make you proud.