I set sail in dreams of the Safe place.

I'm really sick of waiting around for things to happen,
I've been doing it for the past two years...
And I realized today that I've been scared of adventuring out into the world alone.
I've always had a safety blanket of friends,
who would be up for my weird thought-up projects...
We always ended up failing and leaving them in a dark forgotten corner.
I dug them up from it's grave last night,
and decided that I'm going to finish those projects,
make something of it.

(List)
-Screenprint t-shirts/Clothing company.
-Make sweet, sweet music.
-Roadtrip.
-Photoshoot of the Sour Test.
-Make dreams happen.

The Underoath show/signing Saturday was great,
it was really fun and intense.
Someone kicked my gauges off and that teared my right ear,
but it's all gravy now other than a couple of bruises and the feeling of soreness still.
:]

The Twilight premier is on Friday midnight I believe...
Which falls on the same day as my brother's birthday.
I've been overbooking myself for that day for two weeks now.
I get sidetrack and end up telling my friends and family that I'll be there for everything,
and now I have to call them and tell them I have to cancel on them.
I really don't like doing that...
But priorities first,
Brother's 12th birthday
&&
Twilight Movie @ Victoria Garden's (That I've promised a lot of people since last month I'd go to)
:\

So that's it for now,
gotta go get ready for class in an hour.

i'm through with words that could tear us apart.

It's funny how things can change in a blink of an eye,
how someone you respected and loved so much could hurt you in such a way that words can't even explain.
Maybe, it's finally time to let go...
It's time to stop hopping we'd be anything other than the past.

I couldn't of been more torn the other day,
it was like taking the first breath of winter air,
cold, crisp, and not to mention a bit surprising.
It hurts at first cause of the harshness but once you get use to it(but maybe that's just me),
it's really not that bad...
It took me a day and alcohol to get use to it.
To finally get that it's not that bad, and that I should really just be glad that he found someone else,
even if it's his cousin...
(Yeah, I'm not that over it.)

I'm bitter,
I admit...
I was starting to get the butterflies back into the pit of my stomach,
and the feeling back into my cold toes when he was around.
But then...
she had to come into the picture,
as if it's not complicated enough.
UGH...

Anyways, on a lighter note.
I love this: .
And this band/guy:
You should really go check out his music at:
Who Is Sotrious?
:]

That's it for tonight,
peace and love.

in slow motion we wash to sea...

I got into a car accident on the 5th,
I'm fine and everything seems to be okay for now.
Could barely call it an accident,
more like a tiny little scratch.

Everyone kind of freaked out until they saw how tiny it was.
Pat told me a little wax job and that shit would be long gone.
Good on a count of it I don't really feel like paying 500 bucks on something so tiny.

Spence even rushed home,
he thought I was hurt supposedly...
It was nice to see how worried he was,
to see that he still cares.
Not that I would ever want him to worry about me intentionally.

I realized that I'm still in love with a boy who now lives two thousand miles away from me,
the boy who left to avoid me,
the boy who thinks I don't love him anymore,
and the boy who still has my heart.
This is more complicating then it seems for me...

And the Search Goes On...

Last night I realized that I'm not ready to move on...
Thanks to my very nice date Craig,
in this case...
It really was me and not him.
The whole time there, I felt awkward and the date just seemed to last for a very long time,
even though I was only there for an hour, two tops.

I spoke to Spencer before the date,
he told me a couple of weeks back that, if I ever did go on a date with someone he knew, he'd like to know so he'd look out for me.
So I told him.
I asked him if he was alright with it.
And he lied and told me 'yes'.
I found out from his brother today that he wasn't...
But he has nothing to worry about, really.
I haven't moved on, just like he hasn't either...

Sara and I are suppose to be in Seattle by December 14th but we're still looking for a Hybrid we can rent.
Apparently, California car rental places don't rent out to 18 year olds.
Funny, cause they'd sell a car to us,
but they won't rent one to us.
That's bogus.
So if anyone knows of a place that's affordable, that rents to 18 year olds, and rent out Hybrid cars...
I'd highly appreciate it, if you told me.
:]

I think I'm going to attempt to go to bed now,
a bit pooped out.
It's been a long dayyy.
Goodnight.