change.

After the Saturday with Spencer,
I found myself questioning whether or not I should really be here.
It should be an easy answer, a simple no to him and just move on in my life,
I know it should end up that way...
Yet, I can't help but wonder what if,
I don't want to be the person to ask in the end, 'what if I left with him after all'.

But I know I just can't leave, throw everything I planned down the drain and leave without thinking,
if you asked me a year ago...
I'd do it with no questions, I'd go in a heartbeat.
But I'm not the person I was a year ago anymore.

I found myself crying a lot these past few days,
thinking of all the wrong moves I've made.
And hoping...
That this decision I'm going to make won't fall into that catagory.
Honestly, I really don't know.
I'm at a lost and I need guidance,
yet I don't want to ask for it,
it's a battle within myself and I know I need to fight through it myself.

Tomorrow there's going to be a Brighten show,
I'm pretty excited for it,
I haven't been to a show in a while.
:[
I know it'll keep my mind off of things listening to Justin's raspy voice.

If things take it's course,
I'm pretty sure by December I'll be in Seattle...
Well that's what I'm hoping at least.
And even if I have to go alone,
I'm going.
I'm determined,
and I'm not going to let another person let me down.