mixed feelings.

I have to say,
I do a pretty impressive job of alienating people.
I was born a runner, (not literally)
when something doesn't feel right,
I run the other direction.
Lately, people-
to be more specific my 'friends' just don't feel right...

Ever since my best friend got with her boyfriend,
I feel less and less closer to her.
I don't know what it is,
but it just doesn't feel right anymore.
I want to give her space to spend time with her boyfriend,
but the more I give her space.
The more we drift away.
I've noticed that, that happens too often.
We were suppose to go to dinner tonight,
but you bailed cause you said you had to do someone's homework for the whole night.
Then on your twitter you post your spontaneous night,
it just makes me wonder...
what happened to the homework?

Can't people be like Kristen and Jonny?
I could totally get close with couples like them,
they literally don't act like they're together,
though you know they're madly in love with one another.
They never make you feel uncomfortable,
and there's never a quiet moment where an awkward moment could slip in.
I miss you guys sooo much!
Leave Florida and come back to California?
Cause I'm going a little insane here,
I need to surround myself with good company.

I try not to hang out with these boys.
they're great guys,
and they're the kind of boys I can call my own.
Though,
I push them away because I don't want to make it any harder for him or the others.

Don't you see my dilemma with all these people?

I feel a relapse coming,
I have an ace bottle of whiskey and a bottle of vodka in the freezer,
tempting beer, and chasers.
this would be easy.
Right now...
I just need some self control,
I just can't let my emotions take over.
I'm suppose to be a changed person.