my 100 post is still about you.

I debated in that phone call,
the last goodbye phone call the other night,
whether or not I should tell you how I really feel...
Obviously I didn't cause if I did,
maybe, just maybe, things might be different right now.
All last night,
their were a lot of good looking guys,
guys that I didn't even attempt to talk to.
To be truthful,
all that was running through my mind was you.
I was wondering if you were really happy
or if you were just lying to me so I could move on.
I was wondering if I did the right thing,
not telling you how I truly feel,
not telling you I really love you
and that you're making one of the biggest mistakes of your life.
I wondered if it felt right when you called her your fiance,
when you held her hand,
when you tell her you love her.

Every day I tell myself to move on,
just like everyone else.
"move on, he's not worth your time or energy."
Trust me,
I try very hard to push you out of my mind,
to move on.
But truth be told,
I just can't or maybe I'm not letting myself.
I feel myself pushing every guy I'm remotely attracted to away,
I feel myself trying less and less to be out there.
I should be going out with Craig and his friends,
I should get excited when my friend tells me the guy we were talking to last night was paying attention to me,
but I'm not.
I'm not saying this is your fault or this is you by any means,
this is all me.

I need to move on from you,
I know,
but at the same time I'm lingering onto the thought about you.
How do I fill that void without you?