our fate will become the ones of your loss and my relief.

the other day i bumped into an old friend,
he asked me the questions people usually ask when they haven't seen each other in a while and then asked why he doesn't see me around at parties and in the scene any more.
i told him i was done with my old habits,
and he laughed.
until he realized i wasn't kidding.
i told him that i closed the book on that chapter in my life,
and i just wanted to move on.
he looked at me like i was crazy,
and said he couldn't picture me ever turning my back on everything i once knew...
but i did.

now that i look back,
i think the move to a less extreme life actually made me more or less 'sane'.
sure, i lost a whole lot of people i loved and still love
despite the fact that we don't talk anymore.
and yeah, i'm not as creative as i once was...
but knowing that i don't need to rely on substances in my life anymore puts me at ease.
knowing, that at the end of the day what i wrote or did,
good or bad is based all on my clear decisions.
makes me feel more human and that's not necessarily a bad thing...