.

I just want to breathe,
like really breathe...
Without this ball stuck in my throat.
This feeling has stayed with me longer than any happiness in my life,
only when I completely let myself forget and give myself a chance to slow down my thoughts and put them on hold for a few blissful minutes, do I get the feeling of freedom...
the freedom to breathe.

What I'm trying to get at is stress...

I forgot this feeling of overwhelming stress,
not the type of stress where you're worrying over a grade or a crumbling friendship.
(Those I can cope with, without breaking into a million little pieces)
I'm talking about a stress that is beyond your control no matter how hard you try,
it's just something you have to endure.

These are the moments I feel extremely weak,
I thought last week was tough,
I thought what happened last week was was going to cause me to drink and smoke again,
but boy do I have it all wrong.
With elements like those of what happened last week,
and the combination of what I found out today I just don't know how I can possibly even take even the shallowest breath of air.
I feel like someone is sitting on my chest,
and I just can't push them off.
I want to leave because it'd be so much easier
but I've fallen too deeply in love with this place I call home to just abandon it.
I wish I could just roll with the punches,
I wish it wouldn't be so difficult,
I wish I could tell everyone reading this what is going on exactly.
But under so many circumstances,
none of those things are possible at the moment.

People take the slightest things for granted,
like freedom and rights.
If I learned anything from this,
it's to absolutely not take anything for granted.